Finally, my Murakami collection’s complete!
There are only a few things that can make me cry real bad. A perfect heartbreaking story from a book or a movie, judgments from the people unexpected, and worst, the feeling of being rejected and underappreciated.
I am half strong of a person. I also cower, I cry and most importantly, I get affected. Whether it be little things, or not so little ones, I get hurt easily.
There were people from my past that I’m certain, they’ve hurt me, or I’ve hurt them in my own way. I experienced being hurt in different intensities, and I don’t care about how hard the direct impact was. I care more about how much it affected me, or how much I try to struggle to forget, or how much it tortures me for a long period of time.
I can still recount every people I tried to ignore from the moment they’ve hurt me, and those were the people I’m certain I’m never gonna talk with them again, not even in my entire future. You may think it’s sad and filled with grudge, but as much as I can tell by the way I can carry it, it’s as easy as unlearning and forgetting someone, like you didn’t even know them ever. Like you don’t even know they existed, or just about ignoring the fact that this certain person came across your life, but you’d rather think they didn’t even cross your path. Those were the people who belong to that kind who inflicted maybe too much or not too much pain, but for some reason, made you turn your back away from them, never trying to rekindle relationships again.
Then there are also people that no matter how grave their fault was, no matter how much they tortured and hurt you, you can forgive them and accept what they did in just a finger snap, or in just about three days. Those are the people who may or may not need to say their apologies, but even if they don’t, eventually their hearts will talk to you in an intimate manner, and right away, you can easily understand that they were just being human, and mistakes happen sometimes, and they are forgivable.
And lastly, there are people who may not be hurting you directly, but they ignore you, set you aside, or act like you don’t even exist, or that you’re just a simple tool. Something that can be used whenever they feel like it, or whenever they’re bored, or whenever they get tired of other things. And for me, those people are the ones who hurt me the most, more than people who tried to cause me pain directly. More than people who stepped over me, or pulled me from below. Those are the people you considered close to, but they didn’t, or maybe did… in the past. Those are the people who can talk with you for hours… in the past. Those people who can go naked in front of you without judgments… in the past. And in an instant, they’re gone. Away. Idle at some place, or maybe having a blast because of your non-presence.
Relationships grow over time, but relationships are not like flowers. Though relationships bloom beautifully, like how flowers do it, in reality, flowers only show you how beautiful they are, how fragrant their smell is, but you’re the only one responsible for their growth. Not water them enough, they’ll dry up. Not help them receive their dose of sunlight, they’ll turn yellow. Not talk with them, they won’t stay strong and bloom grandly.
Unlike relationships, flowers are a bit one sided. Not that they have a choice to help you or anything, but flowers can’t be as beautiful without someone who exerted an effort. With relationships though, one-sided effort may be deemed useless, and you can’t technically call it a ‘relation’ship. You should’ve grown a flower instead. With relationships, people talk with each other, take good care of one another, but then it doesn’t really happen every time. Sometimes, you’re just doing everything alone.
Friendships end when one grows apart from the other. Not really grow apart together at the same time, because usually, one may feel more caring about the other, while the other one may not feel the exact same way. The former may always tend to miss, reminisce and feel nostalgic about things, while the latter may just prefer to go his own way and just live on his present, without getting interacted and affected by what happened in the past.
At some point in time, maybe people may just choose to go on their own lives without your consent or knowledge. Not everyone can be friends forever, even if you took vows and hundreds of pinkie promises. Maybe people can forget easily knowing that they can find better replacements. Maybe people can just disregard others’ feelings since they really can’t step on someone’s shoes and they don’t know how hard it is for the other person to feel left out. Maybe people just don’t know how to say goodbye, and turning around gradually may be the best way to mark their farewells.
For the sake of each other, perhaps, the only good way is to just help them do their farewell, and while they’re quietly leaving you alone walking in your own path, you instead do the honor in turning left or right, finding a quicker way to progress and move forward to where you’re going, without waiting for that person you’re not even sure of, if they’ll ever walk with you again. It’s just a simple gesture, for that person to be free from the guilt, the regrets, and for yourself, knowing that if you don’t quicken up your footsteps, you’ll just end up waiting, and hurting, when you can actually overtake, and wave goodbye to that person with your own hands.
That’s what I’ll be doing from now on. I don’t need people who don’t need me. I need to be strong for myself and for others who might deem me as important as how I feel for them. There’s never a long period for anyone to look for new horizons or fix dysfunctional things. Everything that’s been served in the table, everything in front of us, that’s what matters most.
Woke up at 7, and watched Breaking Dawn again from my crappy downloaded file. The day was uneventful though. More more tweets with people I love, and downloaded I Am… World Tour, and waited for my birthday.
Woke up somehow late, and went on with my morning. Read a lot of chapters on Catching Fire and went off to work. I’m still not feeling very active and talkative, like I only said very few stuff the whole day. Then get out early and went to Bonifacio High Street and drown myself in books.
I’ve read few chapters from Marquez’ novel, and then met Ross nuna which made my night super super special.
And then went home, reading more. And then Alyssa came and talked for a few about Starbucks planner, life and all.
Had lasagna and pizza for breakfast. The day was not eventful. Just downloaded FLAC files of Regina, Beyoncé, etc. Was spazzing the whole day about Breaking Dawn part 2, so I downloaded the cam version.
Started reading Catching Fire early in the morning, and though I’m running late, I never missed reading inside the train and while walking to the office.
Work had been stressful and I hated it most when someone provokes you by purpose, and then pat you on the back afterwards, saying not to be so much affected about it. But I blew it. I’m really offended, and I didn’t feel so good. I spent about four hours, quiet, just working alone with my iPod and a silenced earphone for my own isolation. I just wanna scream and run, and I actually scream at people around so I decided to just stay quiet.
Good thing I have classes so I can leave early.
I then went to class, and went to Toast Box afterwards to sip a hot Teh. And then went home while reading.
Had an early shopping for Cotton On’s opening. Very lucky day! I got 1,500 PHP worth of coupons and bought 4 items. Then waited a bit for Reyshel since we planned a Breaking Dawn date. Fortunately we also bumped into Ellen and her friend and we both watched together.
Afterwards, me and Shel bonded more. We bought muffins and little candles, and even without a lighter or something, we put it on top of our muffins and celebrated halfway after her birthday and before mine.
After private messaging someone last night, I slept a bit earlier. It was then another Monday. I’m more than half reading the first book of the Hunger Games series, rereading it to prepare for the Catching Fire movie. As usual, there are no eventful things inside the office.
After two days of absences, I attended my Korean classes. Afterwards, me and Eliza nuna waited for Alyne nuna at Starbucks. I ordered Gingerbread, and through Eliza nuna’s help. I finally got my 2014 planner, in yellow.
It was late so me and Alyne nuna had to take a bus ride home, and then went off alone reading Hunger Games inside the jeepney, and finishing it shortly after arriving home.
Ate Pau got her iPod touch 5th and it was super pretty in pink. As for a celebration, she gave us a chocolate-chipped banana loaf and we ate red velvet cakes. I also backed up my pictures from my multiply account since it will surely be deleted that December 1st, and I wouldn’t want that to happen. Then rekindled with O2JAM, just after tweeting my #30SongsOnShuffle. Also received my second advanced birthday present from Ate Em, the Crabtree and Evelyn set, with the first one, the box of brownies.
Woke up early at 10 something since Becky and Krizell woke me up. Thanks to them though, I felt like I could stay in bed till noon. I hd a morning dose of hot cocoa, and a cupcake, while listening to Lorde’s Royals. Then proceeded on putting songs on Becky’s iPod. We finished at about 1 something when Tope and Dianne has been PM-ing me constantly. We had a sudden meetup since Tope will be giving us goodies from Baguio.
By 1:30, Dianne arrived, but I was not yet prepared. I did prepare my stuff early though, so after my quick bath, we can certainly go right away.
Then arrived at Lucky Chinatown Mall and met up with Tope. There were too much people at Starbucks, so as sad as it was that I can’t be able to add stickers to my promo card, it’s okay. We then took pictures of ourselves under the huge annual display of Christmas Tree. It was different now, because it resembled a legit Christmas tree with huge balls, unlike last year’s red lantern assembled into a pyramid-esque tree. We went to Chatime instead, and talked about life, and job.
And then as usual, we had to part since Tope’s usually chasing time. Me and Dianne went to have a small grocery first, and parted when we arrived National Book Store. As usual, I had a good time spent with myself, and then went off to catch the mass.
I still have a few minutes to spare so I read Chapters of Hunger Games that I continued from dawn when I went home from Topeng’s. I read about 20 something pages and then heard the mass.
Afterwards, Kuya and Zoe’s at home, so I chatted with Kuya about stuff, and talked with Ate Val through Skype. And then played with Zoe a bit, and got surprised that she can follow my drum beats! What a brilliant niece!
And then ate some more potato something with sour cream and chicken, and read some more inside the bathroom since it’s toooo noisy because of daddy’s TV. I just finished and I read all in all, more than a hundred pages just today. Today starts my birthday week, and I’m just praying for luck, for the following days.
It was just a random day, still spending time at chang Mercy’s wake. At about noon, I played Scrabble with Daddy outside. At night, me and my cousins also played Scrabble, and that was chang Mercy’s last night.
Woke up at noon and ate lunch. Afterwards, I read few pages from ‘Wicked’ and for the third time, it made me fell asleep. Woke up at about 4, and good thing mom’s gonna go somewhere near where I will be going so I joined her. Just the moment I woke up, I changed my shirt and bottoms, got my money, cards, iPod and Wicked, and hurried.
I went to Kopi Roti and ordered myself a Kopi Bun and a hot milk tea. It was good and I was in a very mellow mood. I finished everything up and went to check books. Again. And then checked Cotton On for clothes. Unfortunately, I saw two items I liked, so even if it was super regretful, I bought it. For 1 bucks only though, but still.
When I got home, I just rested for a bit, had dinner with the family plus Nanay Luming who loves Monggo so much, it’s her favorite food.
And then at 9, I went to the Mazans to watch Kick-Ass 2 and wait for Alyssa so we could finally finish I’m A Cyborg But That’s Okay.
Had a big breakfast with family, and then Asena, Bilyapanya and Hiyumul was born. General house cleaning, and got Chatime milk tea. Also did a mini part 1 shopping at Lucky Chinatown Mall.
Late night working since I didn’t plan on going to work. I’m really on a slump and it’s like I don’t care anymore if they fire me or not. I’m just stressed and I just want to live my life again.
At about 2 something, Angela asked me if I can call since she’s still at the office and she’s scared of the comfort room, so I accompanied her, through phone of course. And then we chatted a bit, deep stuff, and some reminiscing… until 3 something when I asked her to sleep, since she still have to wake up at 4.
I woke up at about 8. I think I dreamed about books for about three times in just that night’s sleep. Maybe because I’m just super excited about the National Book Store Warehouse Sale which also happened last year, but I wasn’t able to come.
I woke up, checked the books I want, took a bath and had Swiss Miss, and then went off at about 9:30 on the train clock. I arrived España and rode the bus to the bookstore. It was my first time going there so I’m a bit vigilant about where should I alight.
And then there’s the bookstore!!! I was super excited. Exactly 10 on the dot, I arrived there and a few people were already going on about their lives. I was just walking around in there, picking up books, checking the back, dropping them again, and then picking up another book again.
In the end, I got about 10 books in my cart, and had a last-minute Goodreads checking of the books. If the books were not so good, I wouldn’t get it, so I ended up getting four. It was Fall of Giants, and three award-winning world lits.
It’s my first time to have a bookstore date with myself for a long 4 something hours. Before my bookstore date ended, I called up the ad I found at sulit.com.ph which was selling brand new Haruki Murakami books. That way, I can decide how much should I spend for books on the sale. If the books from the ad were available, I will spend less, so I did. For four books, totaling at about 2000 PHP, I only paid 370 PHP! Super steal right?
Then afterwards, I called Dianne to check if we’re still gonna meet, since Christopher will give us our Baguio pasalubongs. Unfortunately, they didn’t meet, so I just ate at McDonald’s just across the bookstore.
And then came back to where I alighted, rode the bus and rode the train home. WHICH! I didn’t do just yet.
I then remembered that it’s also sale at Lucky Chinatown Mall. Similar to last year, that’s why I did my cray-cray shopping. But I was not there for clothes, but for books. Unfortunately though, National Book Store got no all-items sale. So I dismissed the idea. I checked my phone and saw that my brother texted me asking me about a particular store location at Lucky Chinatown, so then I asked him if he’s also there, because I was there. And then we met at Mang Inasal. I watched him eat, because I just ate and eating just for the thought that my brother’s gonna pay for it is just a joke. So then we chatted, and then came back at National Book Store and checked for the books, shelf per shelf. I had never been to a bookstore with my brother and it was a simple bonding time that I can never forget.
We then parted since he will be going to Makati, and I shall be proceeding home. But then I need to withdraw money, so I did. Unfortunately, the ATM can’t process transactions, but I still have change from my 500 peso, since I only paid for 370 and my McDonald’s. I suddenly want Chatime, but then dismissed the idea, and went to Starbucks instead. I shall be more practical and frugal. Practical, since I need stickers for the planner, and frugal since I only bought a TALL iced americano, that I never did. Ever. I always go Venti with Americanos so that was a first. It was because I only have 10 PHP on my card, so I reloaded a hundred, which was just similar to Chatime’s price if ever I’m gonna order my signature drink there.
Took pictures of my books, and actually planned on reading for a bit, when Yel and Jhet found me and joined me. They didn’t order, so we left for home right away. I first checked The French Baker but there were no interesting bread items so I decided for a burger meal instead, something to bring for mommy.
I then bought a card case which was super cheap and super cheap (price and material). But then it’s okay. I didn’t expect it to be high-quality either.
Then we bought the food, and hurried home.
When I got home, I had few conversations with daddy who’s had a stomachache. We talked about office stuff, and then the books, etc. And then when I was arranging my books, I realized I can’t put any more books so I have to rearrange it. And rearranging it meant ‘cleaning’. Not throwing books, but cleaning the shelf, and the bed, and the surrounding spaces, and the HOUSE. So just like last year, I also cleaned up. It was a mini-general cleaning, since we might commence tomorrow.
Along with the chore, we also threw some stuff that we won’t be needing anymore, and then looked for items that we can donate to the victims of Yolanda. I finished late and currently I have 59 books on the shelf, and thinking about my future Murakamis, I don’t know where will I put them. The day was just super friendly, super destressing, and I found real peace in everything. Thank you so much dear God for the blessing.
Came back at SNS-ing, at least people cared about me though I only left for quite a short time. And this day was super happy. Re-watched Breaking Dawn Part 1 and then tweeted with Dior about BIGBANG stuff.
It’s still chang Mercy’s wake, so I was outside *computering*, and just had a simple family bonding of Scrabble, stories, etc. We had a Wendy’s Delivery, so I had a Biggie Iced Tea which also made me super happy. I also received another 1 TB harddrive from Kuya Ronnie as an advance present. And then I learned how to play Tong-Its. And then we also ordered some cups from Simple Line.
The usual office stuff, but then I didn’t go to school for the third time. I’m just tired and all so I decided I won’t come. I rode the PNR train on my way home, and it was toooooo jam-packed.
When I got home, I slept immediately, and woke up at about 9. And then Topeng was super stressful, asking me about how to delete the virus thingy, so even if I was not in a very good mood yet, I went there and helped. Alyssa also came and I asked her if she wants to join me for the next day’s NBS Warehouse Sale, she said she doesn’t want to come so I’ll go myself.
At about 10, I started working for office stuff since I’m not gonna go to work.
It was that time of the year when I didn’t check my Facebook, Twitter and other SNS just because I was in mixed emotions. From what I remember, I woke up early and ran, at about 5 AM, I’m already at Tutuban, getting ready to jog and run. I finished about three laps.
And then had a small breakfast of egg and bread afterwards.
Later in the morning, I watched Eat, Pray, Love and cried a lot.
I can’t quite remember the other things. I think I was reading a book, I don’t know if it’s a Twilight book or something Harry Potter, and then watched Eclipse, realizing that I really haven’t watched it yet.
It was just a time for finding myself.
Worked at home for the calendar, and slept at about 2. Woke up early and saw kuyang PNR on my way to the office.
Went to National Book Store at Shangri-la afterwards to check prices briefly and went home. After arriving, I borrowed 500 pesos from daddy and hurried to National Book Store Tutuban to get my Norwegian Wood copy sent from Cubao. Just a street away, I bumped into Topeng and asked him to join me instead. And then after a few more streets, we bumped into Becky, and she also joined.
At the bookstore, there were too many processes, and the people concerned about book transfers and reservations already left so there was difficulty finding my book. I found it myself though, hahaha.
And then when we got home, I saw kuya Ahl and asked me to book a passport appointment for him. As an exchange, he gave me the Star Wars Trilogy in hardcover. And then I helped Becky in restoring her 4th generation iPod touch.
While these are happening, dad happened to have read about 21 pages of Norwegian Wood, which was weird and cool at the same time.
And then we called Alyssa to join. We bought Mango Cheesecake and went home afterwards. When I got home, I took a bath, covered my book and came back at Topeng’s house to take a picture of my book.