There are only a few things that can make me cry real bad. A perfect heartbreaking story from a book or a movie, judgments from the people unexpected, and worst, the feeling of being rejected and underappreciated.
I am half strong of a person. I also cower, I cry and most importantly, I get affected. Whether it be little things, or not so little ones, I get hurt easily.
There were people from my past that I’m certain, they’ve hurt me, or I’ve hurt them in my own way. I experienced being hurt in different intensities, and I don’t care about how hard the direct impact was. I care more about how much it affected me, or how much I try to struggle to forget, or how much it tortures me for a long period of time.
I can still recount every people I tried to ignore from the moment they’ve hurt me, and those were the people I’m certain I’m never gonna talk with them again, not even in my entire future. You may think it’s sad and filled with grudge, but as much as I can tell by the way I can carry it, it’s as easy as unlearning and forgetting someone, like you didn’t even know them ever. Like you don’t even know they existed, or just about ignoring the fact that this certain person came across your life, but you’d rather think they didn’t even cross your path. Those were the people who belong to that kind who inflicted maybe too much or not too much pain, but for some reason, made you turn your back away from them, never trying to rekindle relationships again.
Then there are also people that no matter how grave their fault was, no matter how much they tortured and hurt you, you can forgive them and accept what they did in just a finger snap, or in just about three days. Those are the people who may or may not need to say their apologies, but even if they don’t, eventually their hearts will talk to you in an intimate manner, and right away, you can easily understand that they were just being human, and mistakes happen sometimes, and they are forgivable.
And lastly, there are people who may not be hurting you directly, but they ignore you, set you aside, or act like you don’t even exist, or that you’re just a simple tool. Something that can be used whenever they feel like it, or whenever they’re bored, or whenever they get tired of other things. And for me, those people are the ones who hurt me the most, more than people who tried to cause me pain directly. More than people who stepped over me, or pulled me from below. Those are the people you considered close to, but they didn’t, or maybe did… in the past. Those are the people who can talk with you for hours… in the past. Those people who can go naked in front of you without judgments… in the past. And in an instant, they’re gone. Away. Idle at some place, or maybe having a blast because of your non-presence.
Relationships grow over time, but relationships are not like flowers. Though relationships bloom beautifully, like how flowers do it, in reality, flowers only show you how beautiful they are, how fragrant their smell is, but you’re the only one responsible for their growth. Not water them enough, they’ll dry up. Not help them receive their dose of sunlight, they’ll turn yellow. Not talk with them, they won’t stay strong and bloom grandly.
Unlike relationships, flowers are a bit one sided. Not that they have a choice to help you or anything, but flowers can’t be as beautiful without someone who exerted an effort. With relationships though, one-sided effort may be deemed useless, and you can’t technically call it a ‘relation’ship. You should’ve grown a flower instead. With relationships, people talk with each other, take good care of one another, but then it doesn’t really happen every time. Sometimes, you’re just doing everything alone.
Friendships end when one grows apart from the other. Not really grow apart together at the same time, because usually, one may feel more caring about the other, while the other one may not feel the exact same way. The former may always tend to miss, reminisce and feel nostalgic about things, while the latter may just prefer to go his own way and just live on his present, without getting interacted and affected by what happened in the past.
At some point in time, maybe people may just choose to go on their own lives without your consent or knowledge. Not everyone can be friends forever, even if you took vows and hundreds of pinkie promises. Maybe people can forget easily knowing that they can find better replacements. Maybe people can just disregard others’ feelings since they really can’t step on someone’s shoes and they don’t know how hard it is for the other person to feel left out. Maybe people just don’t know how to say goodbye, and turning around gradually may be the best way to mark their farewells.
For the sake of each other, perhaps, the only good way is to just help them do their farewell, and while they’re quietly leaving you alone walking in your own path, you instead do the honor in turning left or right, finding a quicker way to progress and move forward to where you’re going, without waiting for that person you’re not even sure of, if they’ll ever walk with you again. It’s just a simple gesture, for that person to be free from the guilt, the regrets, and for yourself, knowing that if you don’t quicken up your footsteps, you’ll just end up waiting, and hurting, when you can actually overtake, and wave goodbye to that person with your own hands.
That’s what I’ll be doing from now on. I don’t need people who don’t need me. I need to be strong for myself and for others who might deem me as important as how I feel for them. There’s never a long period for anyone to look for new horizons or fix dysfunctional things. Everything that’s been served in the table, everything in front of us, that’s what matters most.